Do you always have to say yes?


Do you often find that you have over-scheduled yourself? Do you feel like you have to say “Yes” to every request that is made? Do you feel guilty when you say “NO”? Is your life stressing you out? A good place to start to unwind what’s going on is to ask yourself: “Do I often feel obligated to say “Yes”? And…what part of me makes me feel guilty for saying “No”?

Something that many westerners suffer with in our country and culture is a lack of comfort in saying “No”. For some of us…we’ve been taught that it’s rude. As we get older, we may decide that we can’t afford to turn down opportunities that come to us. We may even fear that there is a limit on the opportunities coming or that if we ever say “No”, the opportunities will just slow down or dry up. Is that true? What is propelling us to say “Yes” to so much?

Are we saying “Yes” out of trust or out of fear?

Are we trying to always please others? Or…are we truly in a place where all these opportunities feed and nourish us?

It’s good to begin to understand where we are in this game of Yes and No. If we are always saying “Yes” and always in the the act of receiving, then more of this will come to us – many opportunities…for us to say “Yes” to. It’s the nature of the world. This can be good and bad. For example; if we always say yes to helping someone even if we don’t want to…we have suppressed our own desires and that person will most likely ask again and again. Suppressing desires and emotions eventually leads to negative emotional and physical consequences, such as anxiety, stress and fatigue. 

The question then becomes; “Do I really want to say yes…to all of these things?” “What would happen if I only said yes to the things I really wanted?” Hmmm. “How would that feel?” “Would it all dry up?” “What would people think”? From my experience, people begin to respect our time more and so do we.  People value the times when we do say “Yes” more and so do we AND the captain of our ship is born!

When we get clear about what we really want and then start accepting things that come to us…that fall into that category…we start to move toward what we want…more rapidly. Clarity-Observance-Acceptance-Actualization.

When we say yes to everything…the universe keeps sending us EVERYTHING! So, it’s in learning to listen to ourselves and honoring what we hear. Are we hearing “YES, I want that”? Or are we hearing “Yes, I SHOULD do that”? The energy of “Should” and the energy of desire are very different.

Remember, when you say “NO”, you’re actually saying “Yes” to something else. When we say “NO” to things we don’t want, we are honoring our inner selves, we are nourishing the child within and we are parenting ourselves. It’s okay to say “NO”. Saying “No” also arms the inner self with with more power of choice. When we recognize we have choice in everything we do, say and create, we are empowered. We are respecting our inner self and building healthy boundaries in our lives.

Sure, there are “have to’s” in our world but when we really look at them, they are few in comparison to all the choices we have. So, try it for a week, say “YES” only to the choices that speak positively to you. Once we begin to nourish this part of us, it gets much easier and our lives flow in a totally different way. We have more energy, excitement and “bandwidth” to create our lives the way we choose.

It’s liberating and a little scary sometimes but each of us has full permission to say “No” when we want to and when we need to. Goodness, two-year olds are very good at it. Funny how adults have such a hard time.


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